Most of us live life based on the limitations and the beliefs we were taught. We can’t do or say this or that, we are not that capable or likable so why take chances, we stay where most people stay (history has proven why, they say) and so on and so forth. The list of Whys we can’t go out there and discover what else we can do, be and/or create is endless.
There are several theories why this happens: the most known is the way we are molded when we are young and subject to being influenced. A strict and critical parent will, as a result, give rise to most likely a fearful and self-condemning adult. A neglectful family or a judging community will spur the person to conform and accommodate others’ needs in order to be loved and accepted.
We become what we think we ought to be in order to join the masses, but what we don’t realize is that we abandon our true Self in the process—especially after years of being told that we were/are wrong and that we need to change. The result? If we feel devoid of vitality and life energy, we conform to jobs and tasks that we think are musts but that give us little or no joy, we stay in relationships because we are too afraid of leaving and finding better ones, we live the life that “others” have projected on us, directly or indirectly, but that have nothing to do with who we are.
How do we then return to the roots of our true Being?
I am the poster child of everything I describe above: Raised by a foster home (populated by cuckoo people and then left to my own devices for survival, I grew up thinking I was a horrible person undeserving of love. So much so that when someone LOVED ME, I left them for fear of being left (as my parents had done with me when I was little). I continued for a whole lifetime to comply to anything and everything that would bring me appreciation and love from the outside in, only to run away once I got it for fear of abandonment.
Until one day I had nowhere else to go. I was home, and home had only one person in it (and a cat, I should add), and that person was me. With no one by my side to validate my worth, the question became: who am I, truly? How can I go on without the approval and appreciation of others? The road ahead was completed uncharted, a road where I could create, uncreate, leave blank, or just forget about it and sleep all day, waiting for illness or death to take me in its, by then, welcoming embrace.
I had a choice, and that choice was to Live with a capital L, or Die.
Since circumstances had me move to another country after my most recent divorce, and my close family members had all passed, I had no one to report my actions or location. I was free as a bird.
Phantoms from the past at first began assailing me: See? They seemed to say. You have done it! You have destroyed your life just as everyone predicted when you were young (my mother had a reputation for not being able to keep her own life in order and I was often told that I too would end up like her). For years the idea that I was a monster who slayed the good fairies instead of the dragons persecuted me day and night. I spent years sleeping much more than I needed to in order to escape my bullying mind. I would have done anything to make it stop and leave me alone to enjoy the sunshine and whatever else was out there waiting to be savored. But it had me in its frigid, iron grip—and it was deadly. The moment I woke up was the moment I became its object of sadistic pleasure.
One day I came across a program called The Three Principles, inspired by Sydney Banks, a psychotherapist (now deceased) who had an insight to life which transformed his own and that of millions of others.
His belief was that we all possess a Mind, a Consciousness and the power of Thought. Mind is defined as the energy that runs through us, Consciousness as the awareness, and Thought the link between what is happening on the outside world and our perception of them.
With the understanding of these three essential components to our life and their practical application in our everyday existence, he discovered that we can live a life free of worries and self-deprecating thoughts and actions, and, more importantly, we can quickly heal from our past hurt and utilize the creative force that is available to us (Mind) very easily and at will through the power of Thought and the awareness (Consciousness) that it produces.
It was as if the Universe had come down and gifted me back with the good fairies I had slayed before. One, two, three, voilá! I began to learn more about these three principles and to internalize them: If Mind IS the energy that runs and organizes the Universe (God or our Source or the Highest Intelligence), then I have the power through my own Thoughts to organize what naturally comes to me (without my worrying and placing barriers in front of it) as an insight or inspiration. Then I can begin to create my own reality (or co-create with the Mind) and become Aware (consciousness) of what I am doing.
It seems complicated but it is not. It is the way things are organized in the Universe and it is a very easy way to start accepting what is, to live in the moment and to forgive and forget what we might have done or been in the past.
How did all this apply and work in my own life of regrets and self-condemnation?
Simple. After a few months of reflection and understanding of these very powerful and yet simple concepts, I woke up one day when I saw a very well delineated fork in the road: I was either going to believe all the stories that were fed to me via others’ illnesses and limitations, or I was going to forget the past (the past cannot be undone as we know), and start living the life in full Consciousness, i.e., awareness, faith in how the Mind (Source of creation) works and feeds us what we need when we need it, and utilizing the power of my own Thought to organize and guide what comes to me.
I chose the latter. Mostly because there is great joy, excitement and truth in it (also because I believe that the purpose of life itself is to learn to love ourselves and if we don’t do it when it happens we will have to reincarnate over and over again until we have learned it—my belief, obviously), as it is like waking up for the first time as a baby and seeing the whole creation as is, full of colors, choices and possibilities.
Many of us choose to stay out of fear and regret. And we drag our bodies around with little joy and fun. We have given in into believing what we had been told, and so we are in this cage that has no bars but that we think it does.
I hope that one day we can all realize how free we truly are and how powerful we can be just by utilizing our own creative thoughts and shedding what is not true, in full awareness of what is happening and in consort with the Universe. I am beginning my new life, and I hope that you do too, sooner rather than later.